These feelings once shook off are back with purpose. Conversation leads to thought, leads to pain. Remember it all, down to the last tear on her cheek. Remember it all as if it were yesterday. Vivid, full of color and voice. Anger, tone, and a fury of ideas strikes me, leaning me south. Change of pace, and peace of mind. Is it as true in life as I can make it in my mind? Have the years taken their toll? Have I faded from humanity that much, washed away. It’s clear now that change is needed. Although when you haven’t seen the top of the hole in so long it’s hard to figure out where to start. Just as its hard to stay true to oneself when staring at that face. All familiar with love and pain. We’ve both been there and know exactly what’s up. Down the same roads in different times to different ends. We all know. Even that doesn’t make it easy, but complex in nature. Understanding pointless points of life in attempt to save ones self. When we’d be better off putting that fancy box back on the shelf. Lack of real connection is an issue. Too many forming their own, not looking at fact. Too many extremes to contemplate. Too many variables to calculate. Thoughts run over others on their way to enlightenment. Theories of life and death of this planet over shadowed by shallow thoughts of where you are now. Nothing can help my focus except to rid the demons. By force of art and all that I know being one in the same. I have to get it all out of my head even your name. It’s just too much. I’m tired. Tired of never being able to sleep. Tired of never riding my soul of this awful ache. Tired of never being understood, mistake, misplaced amongst the masses. The balance, eternal search for this myth. Thinking of the way it could be only reminds me of how it is. Thinking of better days a futile battle for peace. Lost in this spiral, I feel it closing. Shutting me down one cell at a time. Making the human side of humans, side against the thoughts of being free. Constantly forbidding me, my mind sates its roll in this play, calling me out to the stage. Time to act, act it all out for all to see. Not that they care its just that’s what we know, and creatures of habit are endangered. They are unaware of the truth, the being that I am. Most could never understand, but I hold faith in all the rest. Never judging when understanding is the key to all. I want to know, I want to understand. I want nothing more than to be understood, but more often than not I’m stamped and overlooked. One more head of cattle in the field of man.


( Note: all of the above is based on random bits of conversation. Free form thoughts nothing more.)